Kierkegaard's Troll - The Scheme
2k5 2 - Friday, April 05, 2013, 10:49 AM ---------------------------------------- Andes Mts. The ridgeline of the Andes looks down over all of South America like a watchdog. High above the rest of the world, this place seems detatched, lonesome. Clouds dance at eye level or below, and here only a few hardy plants and animals have the will to survive. The wind blows heavily here, threatening to uproot everything and carry it all away. The eagle soars and allows the wind to hold it aloft as it surveys the kingdom of the sky. Contents: Swindle Crimson Red Cassette <'Laserbeak'> F-35B Lightning II <'Contrail'> Obvious exits: Northeast leads to Amazon River Basin. South leads to Santiago Foundries. East leads to Brazil. West leads to South Pacific - South American Coast. Fly Cyclonus has arrived. Triggerhappy has arrived. Pumpapunka is an impressive edifice of thoroughly human engineering with no alien meddling. Yes, sure, aliens had already landed on Earth, millions of years ago, but then they fell asleep and didn't do very much until the 1980s. Yes, Pumpapunku sure was totally built by humans. Doesn't stop quacks from supposing alien involvement, and the revelation that aliens are /real/ has only fanned those fires. Right now, the archaeological site is quiet, with no humans around for miles and miles. it's almost like corrupt government officials were bribed by unknown sources to get the site clear. Exactly like that, really. Contrail stares dourly down at the stone blocks, and she hmphs, "Just piddly little rocks. I don't get it. But Decepticons! Careful review of old intelligence reports has brought to light the opportunity to trap the Autobots and their human allies. You see, there are these humans called 'quacks' who are basically gullible morons... and despite this fact, some of them are very rich and influential. If we can convince these 'quacks' that aliens helped build certain ancient human monuments and left a map, we'll be able to draw these quacks off into space for a trap! And I happen to know just where. The EDC, of course, will get involved, because humans unwisely don't just let stupid people rush into danger, and the Autobots will get dragged in to care for their pets." Exactly like what now? Swindle looks up from counting the wad of cash in his hand as Contrail starts talking, quickly stuffing said wad of cash away in some storage compartment. Bribed? I don't know what you're talking about. Nope. Most certainly Swindle did not bribe a few highly influentual individuals to recall the research projects they fund from behind locked doors for 'manditory updates in ufological theorum', not at all. "Oh, are we starting now? Sorry, I was making sure I still had enough funds left over for the monthly poker game with the arms dealers in Carbombya." Casually Swindle adjusts his bolo-tie as he resets his composure. "It's the off month we let Fakkadi win so he doesn't kick all that lucrative business out of his nation." Crimson Red Cassette <'Laserbeak'> perches on a tree nearby, he surveys the area. Lots of rocks with perfect holes in them, in a megalith. It was apparently a sight of great human engineering. The vulture considered laying waste to the entirety of it all just for laughs...the thought does not simply disappear, as it is filed away for after this mission. After Contrail's plan announcement, he starts scanning, his head rotating about in a 360 arc then plots a map of the area to the Decepticon forces in the area, feeding them the basic intel necessary to do their scheming...Scheming, it'd been a few days since, actually no it hadn't, but that didn't deter Laserbeak from the thought of breaking new ground. From the facade of an innocent looking cassette tape, a vengeful vulture grows, the snoop Laserbeak! Shockwave has examined Earth's known past extensively, and has long since concluded that aside from Megatron's ill fated mission and Skydive's atmospheric incompetence, there has been no alien involvement on Earth since before the war came here. The one-eyed Decepticon stomps slowly towards the stone blocks, looking over Contrail's shoulder (and head, given how size) at the blocks. "The unintuitive combination of success and idiocy is not exclusively a human quality," Shockwave states, perhaps thinking of a good dozen or so Decepticons in key positions throughout the Empire. Shockwave does not care for destroying monuments or tricking humans. He is here because the Autobots have been kicking his ass all over Crystal City, and the suggestion has been made to put in an effort here on Earth in order to draw their attention away from the home world. Autobots are notoriously sentimental, and may give up the advantage they've gained. That and his recent experiments have reached the point where his direct involvement is not required. Shockwave has the time to fly the flag here on Earth and hopefully draw enemy attention. F-35B Lightning II <'Contrail'> offers tentatively, since 'trap the stupid humans with stupid mind games and then make the Autobots suffer because their pets are idiots' is not Shockwave's normal sort of plan, "Ah, Lord Shockwave, sir, with your technical expertise, you could potentially assist in ensuring that the forgeries are of... appropriate authenticity. I am given to understand," read: one of her aides wrote this up for her, "that a primitive human method of dating objects involves radioactivity, one of your many areas of excellence?" In a transformation that is harder than it looks, Contrail rises up into robot mode. Triggerhappy listens to the plan as Contrail explains it, and is frankly slightly disappointed. He'd been hoping for some real action that involved shooting Autobots. Or shooting anything at all, really. He examines the primitive human structure, and like Laserbeak is tempted to simply pulverize it at that very moment. But that would get him into trouble so he just sighs and peers at Contrail. "So...what are doing, exactly, then? Planting some kind of clue that'll trick the humans into thinking there's some kind of jackpot to be had somehwere?" Cyclonus is standing somewhere behind Shockwave as he looks over the site, and he glares at Shockwave's back at the "success and idiocy" remark, suspecting it's a subtle jab at Galvatron. Though, of course, admitting that out loud might embarrassing. So, instead, he glares. "I don't quite understand, Contrail," he says, eventually shifting his gaze to the person he just named. "How is this place going to lead the Autobots into a trap? Whatever your opinion of the Autobots, they aren't all complete fools. They're quite savvy with human culture, as well, so the odds of them being taken in by such a scam..." He folds his hands behind his back. Shockwave slooowly turns towards Contrail, conveying his lack of admiration for this plan solely with his unblinking optic. "And it is *my* understanding, Contrail, that these fleshlings already believe evidence much weaker than what we can produce with minimal effort. My time is hardly required." Shockwave steps past Contrail, letting her explain the plan to Triggerhappy. The Military Operations mech kneels in front of one of the building blocks, silently scanning it for five seconds. "From stone bricks to neighboring planetoid travel," he considers. "Within three thousand and five hundred years. Disconcerting." Laserbeak queries a similar train of thought into his datafeed, the thought of 'where this will lead', of course it's not so simple with the cassettecon, instead there is a flashing toggle at the word DESTINATION:_ He glances over to Cyclonus and Shockwave...now there was an issue he didn't want to have to deal with. Each of them fighting over who gets the bird. He'd give them both the bird if he had his way but Buzzsaw wasn't coordinating efforts today, so the vulture perched alone. His yellow eyes blink once. That was an odd thought. Back to work, he starts highlighting various spots on the megalithic area that together might lend some credibility to Cybertronian influence. The sun's positioning throughout the year starts to factor in, and any other various hoohah he can analyze and add from the mighty Wikipedia. Laserbeak had no time to do real research. Contrail explains her plan again for the benefit of the the comic book reader Cyclonus and Triggerhappy, "Ah, but this is the thing! It doesn't matter what the Autobots think of it. They can think it's fake as the Pit. All we have to do is plant cryptic clues that lead to... here," and she holds up a holocube of a rather dismal looking planet, "We had an old base there. It's not... staffed anymore. For reasons." She twiddles her forefingers together and looks away. "And there are gullible humans who will think it is real, and they will go and check it out. The EDC will have to intervene when it gets... ugly, and that will drag the Autobots in. It's like... if humans go up on a snowy mountain and shout at it and get an avalanche dumped on their heads, those ninnies the Protectobots will be out there in the snow, trying to bail them out, despite the fact that those dumb humans totally had it coming." Elsewhere Blades wrestles a bear that someone poked with a stick. Swindle holds up a finger of each hand. "Tell you guys what." Points them at the gathered Decepticons. "You start looking for where you want to plant your 'evidence'." Then turns to point one at the nearest research camp. "I'll go find out what they were actually researching. If we make them coincide, they will be all the more likely to believe they've discovered something new. Look for spots that appear to have not been examined very much yet." And with that the shyster turned and meandered towards the encampment, hands folded behind his back and humming a bit like it was just a stroll down the street or something. But casualness usually just meant he was plotting something.... Triggerhappy smirks slightly at the Galvatron jab. Honestly, if Shockwave were ever to try to overthrow Galvatron--this Targetmaster would probably side with Shockwave. Odd as that sounds, Shockwave had been the one to give him his promotion, and had complimented his contributions to the cause on multiple occasions. The kind of people who tell you what you want to hear...yeah, those are the people you tend to side with. At least if you're a Decepticon. At any rate, he just shrugs. "Sure, trick the humans--sounds easy enough. Most of them are idiots, anyway. Are we going with a hostage situation, then, or what?" Contrail is being a bit tight-lipped as she assures Triggerhappy, "The target location will handle it for us." In a less-excavated area, she starts to add some pictoglyphs of bees doing a bee dance that indicates the location of that dismal planet, because her aides have /assured/ her that bees will work. (Her aides are probably just Insecticon fans.) Shockwave does not give out compliments lightly, whether it be to Triggerhappy or to the fleshlings as he considers how far they've come in such a short time. When your life span is measured in millenia, such relatively short accomplishments are a cause for concern. Shockwave stands upright again, letting the stone building block be. "Swindle," he states, not quite letting the Combaticon leave just yet. "I require your services." Cyclonus rubs his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm, yes, many humans WOULD be foolish enough to take the bait. I've noted that it is a common flaw among humans that they like to invent fanciful tales where mere reality does not suffice. Did you know some humans believe that their leaders are actually bipedal sauroids in disguise? I have already had DCI investigate the claim just in case, but of course it was untrue." Leave it to Cyclonus to look into something Galvatron wouldn't give the time of day. "So what is so special about this planet that will make it dangerous? Ravenous life-forms? Deadly radiation? Pirate activity?" Ugh, of course with Laserbeak here that means he's going to have to -behave-... relatively speaking. Oh well, Swindle will just have to make back the money spent on those bribes in one of his other endeavors. Only a short term lost of investment, and if this actually somehow works it will look good for his contributions. Nope, it looks like it's Shockwave that's going to pester him first. Not sure if that's relieving or even more disconcerning. He pauses and half-turns to look back. "Yes, Shockwave?" Laserbeak squints...well that's his usual gaze, so it's undiscernable. Bees and maps now. He targets the coordinates Contrail offered for this otherworldly base and starts his routine. The welding lasers he uses for...well okay it's for torture mostly, pop out from aside his head as he begins to forge the hints of a starmap about the site. He takes his vandalism seriously! "Sector 74643.12475 within the Ruined Estates," Shockwave states, "Sub-level 401. There is a ruined labyrinth there that is apparently well travelled by the local Empties. I have need of something in that sector, but Decepticon Intelligence has never charted it. I need you to extract a detailed map from the locals there. Whether this is done via economics or..." Shockwave glances briefly in Laserbeak's direction, "...more persuasive measures, I leave up to you. But I do not want the Autobots becoming aware of this need." "Guess so, huh." Triggerhappy replies to Contrail, watching Laserbeak with a hint of contempt. Yeah, he read that report the Casseticon had written about him back when Cross had been in charge of the EDC, so no he doesn't particularly like him. "So I guess we're inscribing some kind of a fake map onto this thing?" And when Shockwave mentions the Autobots, "Yeah...how are we making sure the 'Bots don't tip the humans off?" Contrail grins and says brightly, "Doesn't matter what the Autobots tell the humans. You tell people that, 'no, your government isn't run by lizards', and they dig their heels in and insist all the more loudly that their 'human Jegus' was indeed a Komodo dragon." She continues drawing bee dances in obscure places. Unlike some less useful Decepticons, Laserbeak knew something about Deception...well more about skulking and petty vandalism, but those both very useful skills as well. His welding lasers shift from a penetrating beam to a lower setting, to help artificially age the stone. Okay he was guessing, but who cared really, the Autobots were idiots anyway. He moves on to the next stone... Ruined Estates? Isn't that where.... Swindle puts a hand to his chin thoughtfully. That would explain how the gunrunners got out so quickly in the short time they were allowed after his 'negotiations' last time. "The sneaky little tankless buggers. But I'm sure I can flush out an interested party or two without annoying our enemies. Just need to apply a little enlightenment... aha!" Train of thought shifts gears just like that, and suddenly Swindle is hustling back towards the group. "Forget the camp, I think I just figured out what we need to do." He stops and grips the mock grille that forms his abdomen in a way to trigger a latch only he knows is there and pulls it open like a drawer. The other hand reachs into it, and after a bit of rummaging around he pulls out a handful of brocheures. "Good, I did keep these stupid things." He shuts the compartment, then hehs at Contrail. "Raptor. Raptor Jegus is a thing on the internet. You people really need to do some research into the more sick and obscure aspects of human insanity. But anyways." He holds up the brochure cluster. They look like the sort door-to-door evangelists pass out. You probably don't want to know why he has them. Or what happened to the door-to-door people. Because that probably involves Brawl or Vortex and there 'specialties'. "Actually none of these are related to this site directly, but they all focus on the same thing. Enlightenment. The humans are obsessed with it. With the concept of all they do on this world not being pointless because it's what buys their way to a higher exsistance when they leave this mortal realm." He shuffles a bit, and then lays the papers out on top of a stone. "Some of them, however, do mention various concepts of their 'saviors' coming to take the living believers rather than the departed. If you make your maps convince them that this site's potential for enlightenment was actually being taken by aliens rather than some spiritual ascention, I bet they will go running off no matter what the Autobots try to convince them." "Good. Consider this an urgent request," Shockwave replies. "The Autobot infiltration of Crystal City is reaching a tipping point." What Crystal City has to do with some long abandoned sector deep beneath Cybertron is something Shockwave does not elaborate on. The Decepticon steps back over to Contrail. "I will assist you with falsifying any radioactive dating evidence, but I will need something in return." Contrail replies soberly and sincerely, "I am at your disposal, Lord Shockwave," and while she's serious, she also hopes he does not take 'disposal' literally. Laserbeak returns to the Command squad, perching on one of the stones, sending a few chips of it tumbling down. The HUD flickers with camerawork of all six spots Laserbeak falsified with rudimentary Cybertronian sigils to help pinpoint the base location. He keenly watches this banter between the officers, and of course to relay everything back to Soundwave, but everyone already knew that was going to happen. "I require you to reassign all scouts assigned along the Highroad and New Cybertronian Highway back to Crystal City to serve as counter-infiltration agents," Shockwave states in a matter-of-fact manner. Now it is clear why he phrased this as a trade and not just an order. Doing this would cripple the Decepticon intelligence network between Crystal City, the Liberation Arch, and potentially all the way to the front lines at the Memorial Spaceport. "So let's see here..." Swindle walks around the block of stone and moseys for a bit while Contrail and Shockwave are talking shop. "Aha, perfect." He crouchs down next to a stone depicting glyphs of what could just be figures standing around a glowing light. "Just needs a little... editing." He pulls out a tiny screwdriver, using it like a chisel for authenticity and chipping out little doodles at the sides and top of the glowing shape. When he's done its still abstract, but if you look at it the right way the overall image looks like a ufo shape instead of a glowing ball. "There." Contrail raises an optical ridge and studies Shockwave. She clearly looks puzzled by his offer of a trade. Contrail states the obvious, "That would cripple the Decepticon Intelligence network between Crystal City, the Liberation Arch, and maaaaybe all the way to the front lines at the Memorial Spaceport. You think the Crystal City situation is really that bad?" She crosses her arms and frowns pensively. "I am aware," Shockwave states dryly. "However the tracking of Autobot troop movements within the southern and eastern hemispheres will not be your concern for the duration of this reassignment. Crystal City is where the additional mechpower is required. Do you agree to my terms?" This interests Beaker greatly of course. While the Decepticon Secret Police were of course, part of the Intelligence Network, they were not under the same jurisdiction as the others. It was half the fun to sabotage and interfere with the five different Intelligence agencies on Cybertron, and right now it appeared Shockwave was requesting a powerplay, but was this political or of actual concern? Laserbeak regarded the tactician, then dismissed any concern. It was business as usual. Contrail feels a chill in her central support strut when Shockwave tell her that the tracking of Autobot troop movements within the southern and eastern hemispheres will not be her concern for the duration of this reassignment. She has to ask, "Whose concern will they then be, my Lord?" Cyclonus was about to say that himself, but Contrail beat him to. He gives Shockwave a momentary look before remarking, "Galvatron, once he conquers something, is loath to abandon it, Shockwave--least of all to the Autobots. I hope that your... readjustment of our forces does not bring his wrath down upon us all." At that point he decides to check on Swindle--something he usually tells a Sweep to do--and steps around the stone block he's working on to examine the con artist's work. "A UFO? That's a bit..." He considers. UFO's are something else that humans like to invent imaginary stories over. And yet, there's the issue of Cosmos's alternate mode. Was that something Teletran 1 scanned and reformatted him into? And if so... Cyclonus pauses, at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "...cliched?" "I will take personal responsibility for control of the area, Contrail. In fact--" Shockwave cuts off as Cyclonus approaches from behind. Well, best he hear it as well. "Should we lose ground due to the redeployment, you will know who to assign blame." Left unsaid is that if, whatever Shockwave is planning, works out, you know who you can assign credit to. "Galvatron can have complete confidence that the Empire will be better served with this change." He glances back to Contrail to see if she's satisfied. Contrail looks levely at Shockwave for a moment, processing the implications. Then she delivers a bow to him and replkies crisply, "As you wish, my Lord." "Yes, yes it is," Swindle replies as he shakes a few flakes of stone off the screwdriver and puts it away. "But it's perfectly suitable to this case. You see, the points could just be taken as the radiance of the 'light'." He turns to look up to Cyclonus. "But humans have this stubborness to see what they want to see, regardless of what logic or common sense might tell them otherwise. If these people are obsessed with ufos and aliens, they'll see a ufo and taking people to another exsistance." Cyclonus glares over at Shockwave for a moment, thinking that's exactly what the cyclops had in mind. But he doesn't say his opinion out loud. "Hrm. Yes, well, very good then, Shockwave," he says. He stares at Swindle's forgery again. "Yes, you're right, Swindle. And you of all Decepticons would know, wouldn't you, having dealt so many times with these humans?..." Shockwave does not thank Contrail for agreeing to his trade, but instead steps past her to look at the work Swindle is doing. He begins mentally compiling a list of what he'll need to fake the dating evidence that Contrail wants. See, capitalism works! Swindle puts a hand to his faux windshield chest. "You make that sound almost like an insult, sir." Or maybe it was. Cyclonus' deadpan tendancies make it hard to tell some times. But Swindle has long since gotten over being bothered by such things, as long as there's not bombs being shoved inside his cranial frame. He pauses a moment. ".. Okay, yeah, even I can't deny that I'm not always the most upstanding of soldiers. But sometimes my illicite side-jobs do come in handy now and then." "And that is the only reason you have not been flayed to death for your perfidy, Swindle," Cyclonus says. "That and I suppose Bruticus needs a leg, too." Something bothers Cyclonus for a moment, though. Why would Shockwave of all people need to trade with a subordinate? That's not how it works in the Empire. If someone has greater power or authority over you, you do what he says, period. Shockwave understands that, surely. He gives the cyclops another doubtful look. Because sometimes that's the best way to get results, even if it isn't the usual means. Even Decepticons like to know they're getting something good out of a deal. Or shifting blame somewhere else. But no one asked Swindle's opinion on that matter, so he just walks over to recollect those brochures. Wouldn't want to accidentally leave something incimidating to the scam behind, now would we? Shockwave's control over others is not as absolute as he may like. Contrail has been Director of Intelligence for some time now, and he suspects that at least some of her minions are going to start trusting her with their loyalty rather than the usual sort. It isn't the old guard anymore. New leaders like Fusillade and Contrail have been moving up lately. Shockwave meanwhile is waiting for Swindle to finish his work so he can fake the radioactive dating. This is the awkward part that the cartoons don't show, is when you have all these evil robots in the same room (or general area) and they have nothing to say to each other anymore. For his part, Cyclonus calls up some random Sweep for an update, just so he can look busy. "YOU FOOL!" Cyclonus yells at that Sweep some time later. "Pull up! PULL UP!" Too late--Cyclonus's communication with the Sweep is abruptly cut off as the poor guy crashes somewhere. Cyclonus rubs his forehead warily. "He shouldn't of bought cut rate insurance on his engines," Swindle comments idly at the shouting from Cyclonus. The 'modifications' to the ruins have been finished by this point.